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A Life-Long Pursuit
"God knows you better than you know yourself. When you are there, lying at night, thinking, God hears all your thoughts ... Does that scare you?" The question was posed during a sermon. And I realized with joy that my answer is no, it doesn't scare me. Why? Because it is finally sinking in that everything about me is known to God, long before it is even known to me. Nothing is hidden from Him and nothing surprises Him.
What about all the muck inside me? Am I not afraid that God will see it? I'm tired of the muck. I'm tired of trying to clean it on my own never making any progress. I think I'm finally understanding that He not only sees that muck but longs to cleanse it. The best part is, He can! But I must surrender it first. He will not touch any area of my life that I don't surrender to Him. Not because He is unable but because He has chosen to give me a free will. He will not impose His love on me.
Why not surrender that which only hurts me?
Cleanse me, oh God, and do Your perfect will in me. I want to not only know about but to actually experience that abundant life You spoke about. Free of bondage, free of fear, free of sin. I realize it does not mean free of trouble or free of pain, but it does mean a life lived in Your presence, sustained by Your Spirit, enveloped in Your love.
I know it is a process that will take the rest of my life. I also know it is a process that will be painful, for releasing and trusting-especially during dark times-sometimes takes sheer will. But I can't think of a better life-long pursuit than to seek after Your likeness.
I know the warning from Your Word, that "everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted" (2 Timothy 3:12). Lord, grant me the courage to stand firm, the insight to see persecution for what it is, and the determination to keep walking, keep trusting, keep believing.
"As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness" (Psalm 17:15).
-Maria Lund