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Marriage
"Why are you here?" The question was directed to several couples who had gathered for a relationship class at the church. I've been thinking about that question ever since … Why were we there? Because, whether we like to admit it or not, marriage is the most challenging relationship we will ever have. They don't tell us that in the romantic movies and fairy tales where everyone lives happily ever after.
Not to discourage hopeful singles, but finding our true love is a lot easier than learning how to live with them till death do us part. Why? The short answer is: human nature. Human nature is sinful. The Bible may call us saints, but our spouses know better. We may be able to project an image to the world, but image does not hold up under prolonged and close proximity. We may have a front row seat to our spouses' shortcomings, but their eyes are mirrors that reflect our own back to us. Human nature also tends to devalue what it is most familiar with. We become so used to our spouses that we stop valuing or even seeing the qualities that made us want to spend the rest of our lives with them to begin with.
To make matters worse, we are surrounded by examples of what not to do. Phrases like 'We just grew apart," "I don't love you anymore," and worse yet, "There is someone else," are, sadly, not uncommon. Examples of what to do are few and far between.
But the greatest danger to a Christian marriage is also –I believe – the most underestimated. Remember? "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood ..." That applies to our marriages as well. We have an enemy. One who has spent thousands of years observing human nature and learning how to exploit its weaknesses. It isn't only God who knows us well. The devil does too. And he knows how to play our fears and how to plant thoughts in our minds masterfully disguising them as our own. "Look at what he did," "How could she say that?" And we're off, building steam and gaining momentum all based on a lie or a distorted truth. He is very much interested in disrupting our marriages because when he does, it not only affects us but our children, our families, even our church. Ultimately, a broken marriage hurts a lot of people.
In light of all this, why are we so reluctant to say that marriage isn't easy? Because we have been told by our society that love is everything and if we are struggling it must mean, we don't love enough. We have been told that love is always a warm feeling ... Is it? The greatest act of love took place on a cross, and there were no warm feelings involved. It took blood, sweat and tears.
The truth is that marriage is the place where we leam that there is no greater love than to lay down our life for the sake of the one we love. And it isn't easy. Yet marriage is also the place where we leam that all good gifts come from God and His tangible embrace is felt through the arms of the one He has given us to love and be loved by.
There is a Christian family movement that has a triangle as their symbol. God is at the top and the spouses on each side. The closer they come to God, the closer they are to each other. That triangle is the hope for today's marriages. Only as we draw near to God can we receive the grace to acknowledge and repent of our own sins, and forgive and cover over the sins of our spouses.
As the enemy well knows, the battle for our marriages begins in our minds. Thoughts precede feelings. We need to learn to take all our thoughts about our spouses to God. Only He can give us the light to examine them. And in His presence, only truth will be allowed to live and love can be recharged and made new.
-Maria Lund